2. Healthy Reflection

 Introspection is often considered a bad word, especially morbid introspection.  When we talk about reflection, we're not talking about morbid introspection. It's possible, when seeking to write your story, to try to look deep into your psyche.   When we look at key events in our past, we are tempted to ask, "Why did I respond that way?"  It's possible to get so inwardly focused that you lose all objective perspective.  

 During my college days I fell into this trap.  I was looking inwardly to find meaning and purpose.  For me, in those days, I was struggling with the reality that life should provide more meaning than I was finding.  I thought by looking inward I might find what I was looking for.  Boy, was I mistaken.  

 The journey inward is a deep, dark chasm.  It is a spiral to nowhere.  I think Soren Kierkegaard said, "The distance between objective reflection and subjectivity is indeed an infinite one." There is a simple and profound reason why introspection doesn't answer our deepest questions. It is because of the sinful condition of the human heart. 

 The Apostle Paul spoke to this reality in his letter to the Romans in chapter seven. The entire chapter illustrates Paul's inability to get beyond the limitations of his own heart. Throughout this section, he repeated uses the pronoun "I". Until he gets his eyes off himself, and onto Christ, he is stuck in a morass of doubt and despair. 

 "So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me." (Romans 7:17-20)

 In Reformed Theology, the "T" in TULIP is total depravity of man.  It doesn't necessarily mean we are as depraved as we could be, but that every aspect of our being is depraved- sinful.  Our very nature is to be totally self-absorbed.  This is why excessive introspection gets us nowhere.  So how much is too much when it comes to introspection?  Let me illustrate.  



A huge factor in shaping our lives is our nuclear family. I have vivid memories of my parents arguing. Sometimes these disputes could last well into the evening.  They would recount past hurts and insults, always with a view to blaming the other.  I remember concluding, "I never want a marriage like that."  I would see others, like my aunt and uncle, who seemed to love each other and were openly affectionate.  I would wonder, "What is their secret?"  These experiences had a powerful influence over me.  Now we may sometimes be tempted to ask, "Am I the cause of this?  Is there something I have done to make them so angry."  I may also ask "Is there something wrong with me?  Will I be able to have a healthy family some day?"  Do you see?  It is easy to be tempted with morbid thoughts of introspection.  There actually is an easy answer for why my parents fought.  The had sinful, selfish natures, and they had not learned to forgive and forget.  My Aunt and Uncle had come to Christ and experienced His forgiveness.  I've learned that when we are forgiven, then we learn how to forgive others.  This whole experience was a gigantic part of me coming to Christ.

 With a biblical worldview we can do healthy, realistic reflection.  We can avoid the pitfalls of subjective, morbid introspection.  This is super important as you work on your own story.  You will want to learn to see your life from God's perspective.  As David writes in Psalm 139…

 O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. (Psalm 139:1-4)

Questions to consider:

  1. Think back to your home life growing up.  
  2. How did that environment most influence the choices you made?  
  3. How has your family of origin shaped your spiritual journey? 


 

 

 

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